NOTE: This short story is NOT related to the novels. That being said, it was based off of the song Hotel California, and my interpretation of it. The characters featured are Taylor as the main character, Bob and his three boyfriends, and from the show SuperJail!: The Warden(as the Captain), Jared(as the night man), and Alice. The story is told from Taylor's point of view.
On a dark desert highway…
Out in front of the windshield, the road seemed to stretch on forever through the desert landscape. It was starting to get dark, and the only way I was able to see anything was because of my headlights. Out on the sides of my car, I could just barely make out the shapes of cacti as I sped by. Turning up the music, I reached for a stick of gum, which I usually kept just below my radio. If anything, that would keep me awake for the next few hours.
I rolled down the windows, and instantly, the cool desert air whipped at my hair, and it forced me to keep my eyes open. For a second, I could’ve sworn that I smelled a familiar smell from my college days on the wind, but I figured that was impossible. I didn’t see any houses around here…or at least, any that had lights on. Continuing on, the road took a small curve, and I turned the wheel to follow it, keeping the car in perfect sync with the road.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light. Strange, considering that it was the first sign of “civilization” that I’d seen for some miles now. It seemed to be in the direction that the road was taking me, and I was now curious about it. The weirdest part though, was that the longer I stared at this light, my head started to feel a little heavy, and my sight grew a little dimmer. Luckily, it was coming closer and closer, and eventually, I decided I’d stop there for the night, so I wouldn’t have to force myself to be awake while I drove. And maybe, just to find some sort of directions.
I pulled off of the dark highway, and rolled into what I assumed was the parking lot. The gravel underneath my car’s wheels made a crunching noise as my wheels passed over. I parked the car, turned off the lights, and climbed out, attempting to fix my auburn hair to look somewhat presentable. The place was a lot bigger than I’d assumed. It was two-story building, from what I could tell. It wasn’t anything fancy, but above the door hung a sign reading “HOTEL CALI”. The rest of the letters had been scratched out.
Weird. I thought. If it was a hotel, I would’ve assumed they’d at least have tried to maintain the sign up front. But I didn’t feel like being too nitpicky tonight. I was just really tired, and I wanted some sleep. As I walked from my car, I saw someone standing in the doorway. They were wearing an entirely white suit, a pink dress shirt, and a black bowtie. I raised my eyebrow a bit, confused by the sudden fancy getup this person had, considering that the place looked so…plain. As I got closer, I saw that the person was a guy, but he had the strangest pink hair. In his hand, he held a small bell, which he rang a few times.
This could be heaven or this could be hell… I thought to myself as I approached him.
“Um…hi. Do you have any rooms open for the night? I need a place to rest.” I said, looking up at him.
“’Course. Let me show you to our front desk.” the guy said, motioning for me to follow him. He lit up a candle, and I followed him, closing the door behind the two of us as we started walking through the main hallway. As we approached the front desk, I could’ve sworn I heard voices farther down the corridor. It sounded like they were saying, “Welcome to the Hotel California”.
“Did you hear that?” I asked the guy. He stopped to look at me, before smiling and shaking his head.
“Hear what? I didn’t hear anythin’, miss.” he said, in a polite voice, before continuing on. I followed, and told myself I was just hearing things because I was so damn tired. We finally reached the front desk, and the man stepped behind the counter for a second, grabbing a small clipboard and a pen.
“Y’all are Taylor Ruse, right?” he asked, looking me dead in the eyes. I felt my blood run cold for a moment, as I stared right back at him.
“Um..y-yeah, I am. How…how did you know my name?” I asked. It was just a little creepy how they just magically knew who I was. But maybe I’d made reservations before and just didn’t remember. The guy smiled again, and made a little check next to my name. He then set the clipboard down, and spun around on one foot to grab my room key.
“How long has this hotel been here?” I asked.
“Oh, a while now y’all. Any time of year, you can find us here.” the guy said.
I took my key from him as he stepped out from behind the front desk, and I turned it over in my hand. It was a really fancy key, with all these little ornate decorations.
It looked like a key you’d find up in your grandparents’ attic, one that opened a door to some mysterious room. As I followed the guy into the main part of this odd hotel, I still couldn’t shrug off the fact that my name was on the list…like they knew I’d stop here.
“Hey, since you just happen to know my name already, why won’t you tell me yours?” I asked.
“Name’s Bob, y’all.” he said, plain and simple.
I swear, I thought his name would be something a little more…posh.
“Well, that’s a start.” I said. It was then that my jaw nearly dropped to the floor, as we entered the central lobby of the hotel.
Compared to the outside, the inside of this place was massive. It looked like I’d walked into some sort of a palace. The stairs leading to the rooms upstairs were the main focus of it all, with gold handrails, and a deep red carpet. I could see that upstairs, facing each other, were two large lion statues, each holding up a paw as if they were about to shake the hand of whoever passed by them. I was so shell-shocked that I couldn’t speak for a couple minutes. It took me a while to find my voice again when Bob started talking.
“Y’all can go on up to your room and get settled…dinner’ll be ready real soon.” I had only gone up a few steps when I turned around to look at Bob.
“Dinner? Isn’t it a little late for that?” I asked. Yeah, the place was nice and all, and I was hungry, but something felt off.
It was a little too perfect.
“Well yes. We hold dinner for all guests at approximately eight in the evenin’.” Bob said, looking at a watch on his wrist. I had the sudden impulse to take a glance at my phone, but I decided to leave that for when I got to my room, away from this strange guy.
And there were other guests? Man, this place was getting weirder and weirder by the minute. I wonder if the others felt this way about the hotel too, as I found my assigned room. The number was on the key, so naturally, I figured that would be my room too.
“Room 325.” I muttered to myself, as I turned the key in the lock and opened the door. It swung open effortlessly to reveal a room with two beds that looked like they had come straight from the Palace of Versailles, an antique-looking desk sitting opposite the beds with a plasma TV mounted just above it, and various photos on the walls.
You’d never think that old-fashioned stuff would ever fit in with the new stuff and all, but somehow, this room just blended all that in without any trouble. It was pretty nice. I sat down on the bed, and laid down so that I could rest my head on the pillow. Looking up, I noticed the clock right above my head, and it was about ten minutes ‘till eight. I got back up on my feet to explore the rest of the room, and I opened the window so that I could see outside.
I wasn’t expecting much, because hell, we were in the middle of the desert. But as I opened the curtains, down below, there was a really fancy looking courtyard, complete with a garden, white tables and small lights hanging above in the trees. It looked like something out of a five-star restaurant magazine.
“Are you kidding me right now?!” I shouted at the window in disbelief.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around how plain this place looked from the outside, compared to what it looked like once you walked inside. It’s like I’d stepped into another world. Looking down again, I noticed that Bob was down there. It was hard to miss that odd pink hair of his. But I noticed there were other people down there with him…three guys, it looked like.
One was slightly older looking than Bob, with orange hair swept up in a pomp. The one standing closer to Bob had blue hair, and it was swept over to the right, covering his right eye. And the last one, the younger looking one, looked like a total scene kid, the complete opposite of how well-dressed the other two were.
And they were all dancing. Of course, not all at once, but Bob took turns dancing with each of them. I couldn’t hear the music they were dancing to, but from what I could see, they were all pretty good at dancing in all those different styles. It was like being in a weird sort of trance, as I watched them. They were just so…mysterious, in a way.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget…
Well, this place was a hotel right? Yeah, I was feeling tired when I got here, but not all that much anymore. I figured I could get a drink while I was at it. I made sure to lock my door behind me as I stepped out of my room, and I headed downstairs, determined to find out where the bar was. I really needed that drink right about now. On my way down, I bumped into a small little guy with a huge forehead(and I swear I’m not exaggerating), wearing a tan suit and blue tie. He was carrying a small clipboard with him, and that was the first thing to fall.
“Oh my god, I’m sorry! Didn’t see you there!” I said, kneeling down to pick up the clipboard from the stairs. The guy looked up at me and brushed himself off, shaking his head.
“It’s really no big deal, ma’am. Do you need help looking for something?” he asked.
“Actually…yeah. Do you know where the bar is in this place?”
“Why yes. Just follow me.” the little guy said.
Having no other choice, I followed him down the stairs, and to the right. We continued down a hallway almost like the one Bob had led me down from the entrance. Turning down another right, we walked straight into the bar. I was a little surprised to see some more people down here, but relieved. Maybe they could tell me what it was about this place that was making me feel a little strange. The lights above cast a pinkish-purple light on the room and everyone in it. The bar’s underside glowed with blue, as a man in a purple suit slid a beer down the length of it, to an extremely buff-looking…man? Lady? She had a long red ponytail, and red glasses covering her eyes. I figured she had to be a lady. But what I did notice was that the guy in the purple suit seemed really interested in her, judging by the way he was talking to her. But I could already tell that she didn’t like him back, that much was clear.
“Poor guy.” I said. The little man beside me nodded.
“That there’s the Captain. He’s always chasing after Alice, but we all know he’ll never have her. She’s just not interested.”
“That’s gotta suck.” I said, looking down at him. He looked at his clipboard, and bit his lip. “Oh man, I’m really late on this paperwork!” he said, before frantically turning to scurry out the door. But before he left, he turned around to look at me again.
“One more thing. I’m Jared, the nightman. If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to call.” he said, before giving a little bow and rushing out. I tilted my head in curiosity. What a strange little guy. But he was nice.
Shrugging it off, I strode over to the bar, and sat down, with my shoulders hunched forward. I wanted a nice, cold drink right about now.
So I called up the captain, “Please bring me my wine.”
He said “We haven’t had that spirit here since 1969.”
In front of me sat a little glass of chilled moscato wine, a little different from the exact wine I’d wanted before. But apparently, they’d been out of stock of that particular wine for a number of years. Thus, moscato was the replacement. Sipping it, I turned to watch the Captain attempt to flirt with that Alice again. She seemed ready to clock him in the face, with the way her expression looked. I had to hold back a laugh as I wrapped a hand around the glass of my drink, taking a few more sips.
And again, I heard those weird voices.
Welcome to the Hotel California…
A couple more glasses of moscato wine quickly drowned the voices out. I figured having that as a distraction would send them away, at least for now. I was feeling a little numb, not exactly dizzy. But I just kinda sat there on the chair, not really sure if I wanted to walk or not. And in through the doorway waltzed that pink-haired Bob again, humming some sort of tune as he danced up to my side.
“Captain! An apple martini, if y’all would!” he called, snapping his fingers to get the Captain’s attention away from Alice. He quickly made Bob’s drink, and had it sliding down the length of the bar in a matter of seconds. Taking the seat next to me, Bob leaned forward to talk.
“So, I see y’all have had a few drinks.” he said, giving me that strange smile again. I felt a strange chill go up my spine as I looked to the three empty glasses beside me.
“Uh…yeah. I have.” I said, offering a queasy smile. Nodding, he took a sip of his martini.
“So. Who were those three guys you were dancing with?” I asked. Bob raised a brow, before waving me off.
“Oh them? They’re just friends.” Bob said.
“I see.” I said. “Also, when is that dinner you were talking about a little earlier? I’m a little hungry now.”
“Figured y’all would be. If y’all are done here, I’d be happy to take y’all to the dining area.” Bob said. Looking at my three empty glasses again, I shrugged, and got up on my feet.
“Why not? Lead the way.” I said, with a smile.
I would not be surprised if it’s a damn fancy dining hall. I thought, as Bob led the way out of the bar. We turned down a couple more hallways that I swear I did not see before, and before I knew it, we were in the dining area.
And as I expected, it was fancy as hell. Fancy to the point of being really…well, you get the idea.
I mean, there was freaking mirrors on the ceiling!
Bob showed me to a lonely little table for one, and handed me a menu that he seemingly grabbed out of nowhere. He called over a cook, who brought me a glass of pink champagne on ice. I was about to protest against me having anymore drinks for the night, but the cook was gone before I could say anything. So I turned to Bob, who’d dragged up a chair to my little table.
“Are you just gonna follow me all night?” I asked, resting my elbows on the table. Bob looked around for a second, before leaning back in his chair with his arms behind his head.
“Not really, y’all. It’s more that I’m just real bored and tired of waitin’.” he said.
“Waiting for what?” I asked.
“The Captain’s dinner. It’s a special dinner that comes after the one we provide for the guests, like y’all. Except, only us hotel staff are invited.” Bob said, as he got up from his chair.
“Woah, where are you going? I still have one more question to ask!” I said, grabbing his arm to keep him from leaving.
“Yes?” Bob asked.
“How’d you even end up here? How did any of these people end up here? I noticed that something’s been off about this place ever since I walked in. From the fact that you knew my name to this weird dinner you’re going on about. What’s going on here?” I asked.
Bob leaned down, and his face was hovering close to mine. I was about ready to do some damage to him if he tried any funny business, but all I heard was a whisper in my ear.
“We are all just prisoners here, of our own device.”
And like that, he was gone and out the door, leaving me with the now-empty glass and the lonely little table again. I zoned out for a couple minutes while staring at the white tablecloth, trying to understand what he meant by that.
Prisoners? What the hell was that supposed to mean? This place looked nothing like a jail. At this point in time, I was sure that he was a damn lunatic. Mulling over it a little more, I pushed myself away from the table, stood up, and walked out of the dining area and back upstairs to my room. Maybe if I closed my eyes for a bit, everything would be fine.
Later on that night, I was having a bit of a hard time actually falling asleep. It was more that I would actually fall asleep, but wake up every thirty minutes or so. It was getting super annoying.
So I got up, and decided maybe some wandering around would get me tired enough to actually sleep. And maybe too, I’d be able to find out what the hell was going on with this weird place. Making my way downstairs, I heard some voices drifting out of some hallway I hadn’t seen before. I knew they weren’t the same ones that were from before, because these ones sounded like some sort of dinner party.
I noticed too, that the lights had dimmed a little after everyone had made their way to bed. I’m pretty sure that I was the only one who was awake at this time, save for the hotel staff themselves. Maybe now was the time that they held that special dinner that Bob was talking about.
The hallway I was now in was getting darker and darker the further I went. I felt like just turning back and booking it upstairs, but I was too far into it to stop now. I was determined to find out what was going on. Finally, I came to the room that was the source of the voices.
Through the crack in the door, I could see the hotel staff seated at a long, wooden dining table, with a crystal chandelier hanging above their heads. There were a couple faces I recognized there: Jared, Bob, and the Captain, who was seated at the very head of the table. But what had me biting my tongue to keep myself from screaming was the creature that sat on the silver platter in the very center of the table. It looked like a demon from hell, and only then did I see that the entire hotel staff was making attempts to stab at it with their steely knives. Some of them did cause some damage to the thing, and it howled in pain. But no matter how many times it was stabbed, it didn’t die.
And in the master’s chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can’t kill the beast.
I had to get the hell out of this place.
The last thing I remember was running for the door. I had to find a passage back to the place I was before, that was for sure. If I could just get to my car, I’d be just fine. As I was running, I was reflecting on that strange “dinner party”, and the demon in the center of the table.
That was no dinner party. And this was no hotel, no matter how much it felt like one.
I finally found the exit, and as soon as I opened the door, I found Jared standing there, smiling up at me.
“Weren’t you…dinner party…demon thing?” I asked, in between breaths. Jared only shook his head, and tipped his hat to me as I hopped past him.
“Relax,” he said, as he patted my hand. “We are programmed to receive. You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave!”
Hell no.
I broke away from his grasp, and I ran immediately to my car, because it was my ticket out of this place. As I jammed the key into the door to open it, I paused as Jared turned to look at me from the doorway. Ignoring him, I jumped into the driver’s seat, turned the key in the ignition, and sped off, leaving this place once and for all.
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place,
Such a lovely face…
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